Bitter memories

Running as fast as you can, with no reason, heart throbbing, feet pounding the ground, sweat pouring down your body, you lose all thought and give in to the motion. You run, the air rushing past you. Everything is a blur. You run until your body hurts, and cries for rest, and then you run some more. Eternity passes, and the pain fades, and then you stop. You put all your effort into stopping yourself from falling. You recover, and move on, head back up to your room. You walk in, and see a bunch of people, who try to make polite conversation with you. You don't even bother, and walk to your desk, and roll up a joint. You hear some exclamations of surprise, but you ignore them. You pick up your joint, and a half empty bottle of gin, and walk out. You light the joint on your way down the stairs, and smoke it slow, taking a deep drag each time, and taking a large swig of gin before you exhale. You know its going to hit you hard, but that's what you want, so you don't really worry too much about it. You reach the bottom, and you walk out, into the cold night. You walk out into the night, and head to a distant house, one with darkened shades. You walk up to the door, and feel yourself losing control already. You knock, and someone lets you in. It's dark, and packed with people, a bunch of people all drinking, dancing, making out, sitting. You lose yourself in the crowd, and let yourself go, dancing, letting the music take over. You forget everything, and there is a sense of wonderous creativity in your spirit. There is something else in your soul with you, bolstering you. And then you stop as you see a woman you've never seen before. You stop completely, and she looks at you. You try to control yourself, for just a second. She smiles at you, and you gesture to her, and smile. She comes to you, and you dance, dancing away the night. Then her smile changes, and she looks at you far more intimately. Suddenly everything changes within. Your smile vanishes, and you push her away, and walk away. One single thought goes through your head before being eaten up by the alcohol and drugs.
"That look...... I remember that look from so long ago. Never..... ever.... again."